the Formosian

but it’s Blake Lively, who is so drop dead gorgeous, it hurts.

So I passed my driver’s exam last year (it took me four years to learn how to drive). Let’s face it, I’m an Asian girl with ridiculously paranoid parents. My father used to clap his hands together and yell “THAT’S IT. COLLISION. WE’RE FINISHED.” everytime a car drove past us. My driving instructor made clucking noises and asked how I felt about public transport. The odds were not in my favour. 

In fact, it’s a miracle that I even learnt how to drive, let alone manage to pass a standardised exam. But pass I did! Even if you know, the only reason why I did it was because I was getting to that age where using your L’s as a form of ID becomes a concerned topic of conversation at parties. 

So things that I wished that my driving instructor (or my dad, when he wasn’t putting his hands over his eyes) told me. 

Don’t wear heels when driving. Or wedges. Wedges are scary mother fuckers when you’re driving. Because you don’t feel anything beyond them and when you’re braking, all you can think “Oh my God, am i stopping???????” 

If the light on top of a hill is flashing yellow, don’t think that it’s a paranoid little thing and ignore it.  Don’t gun your accelerator when you’re rolling down a hill out of habit (wheee). Especially when there is a queue of cars waiting at a traffic light. 

If somebody honks at you, don’t roll down the windows and scream ungracefully “GO FUCK YOURSELF, YOU FUCKING TWAT”. First, it’s kind of tacky and secondly, it makes things more than slightly awkward when you’re change lanes and you realise that it’s the same guy.

Similarly, if somebody honks at you when you’re travelling on a narrow road, don’t get vindictive and travel subsequently at 2 km/hour. Apparently, it’s bad form.

Don’t abuse your GPS. It will get you there. Eventually.  

Don’t hurriedly lock your doors everytime somebody walks past your car. Especially if your windows are down and they hear everything, and they just end up looking really hurt. 

Don’t lose your temper even at 6 am. If somebody steals your lane, don’t follow them for 5 minutes honking continuously. 

Don’t ignore your rear sensor when a car is parked too closely behind you. 

When a friend tells you that parking on a particular street is really good, ask where on the street you should park. Otherwise you find out that the street is like 10 km fucking long and you end up circling around Randwick for one bloody hour, as intersection after intersection induce at least three heart attacks. All before 8 am. 

Yeah. It’s a wonder why I’m allowed on roads.

whatshouldwecallmedschool:

I’m just like

So my time at good old L-pool has ended. Things I’m going to miss:

Being able to get to hospital in 20 minutes.The joy experienced when parking is found on a side street and not in the hole that is Warwick farm. Watching light suddenly fill the glass hallway from pitch black darkness because the sun just rose. The library computers which have ready access to UptoDate, Subway. Subway staff discount. Eating Subway everyday. 24 hour Subway. 

Things that I’m not going to miss.

Waking up before the sun. Wondering why the fuck there is traffic on the Hume Hwy at 6:15 am. Being annoyed at assholes who think it’s okay to drive down an uphill ramp at the car park. Paying for parking. Being at work at 7 am. The virus-infested computers which take 15 minutes to sign into Facebook. Eating Subway every single bloody day. 

But yeah. All in all, now when I have got all my shit signed off and am taking a long weekend and have experienced a truly awesome 10 hour nap, I’m feeling all glassy-eyed and reminiscent over the past four weeks.

I do love how the Subway finally opened after 1.5 years of the sign proclaiming to all “COMING SOON”. I am less proud of the fact that I was one of the first people to line up, like I had never seen a fast food restaurant before. I’m also not crazy about the new smell of hospital (a charming mixture of hand sanitizer and Subway bread with elegant woody notes of Pseudomonas). 

This blog post may or may not have been an ode dedicated to the Subway.

wondering why everybody likes One Direction. I mean, if one wanted a British boyband with very young members who can’t go drinking in the US, why don’t people like the Wanted instead?  Currently actually liking their song ‘Glad you Came’ after Beagle visited the other day, humming this tune under her breath. 

The sun goes down 

The stars come out 

And all that counts is here and now 

My universe will never be the same 

I’m glad that you came. 

Ok, maybe their lyrics aren’t so crash hot. But I’ll take it any day over One Direction’s songs. I heard a One Direction song the other day and was shocked to find that more than one person was involved in the making of this song. It sounded like it was one very bored guy and Auto Tune.

Anyhoos, in other news, the weekend has been boring. Have been recuperating from my cold, which has made my voice all husky and sexy, even if I may say so myself. Other things i have been doing include playing ‘Scramble with Friends’ and losing spectacularly and humiliatingly to my so-called loving friends , and watching Queer as Folk re-runs. I totes love this show. That scene of Justin and Brian’s first kiss? Finest moment of television, hands down. And that scene where they first meet?
 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LprDypvv-XM  

Gale Harold, squee! It’s so cheesy but I don’t care because it’s Gale Harold, and Gale Harold can do whatever he wants.

okay.

I shall end this incredibly boring and underwhelming post with a quote from QaF that made me giggle. 

*Emmett talking to his stalker, who keeps calling him from the phone* 
Sigh. I can hear your sinus condition, you know.

If I ever get a stalker, I am totally using that line.  

Today, I woke up able to breathe without difficulty. Yes! Me -1, streptococcus - 0. Hurrah for human survival!

Not that the streptococcus did not give me a run for my money. My throat may have been sacrificed in this great battle. Low grade temperature made me feel sorry for myself, so I spent the last couple of days parked on the couch, watching Friends reruns. I fought the nausea by binge-eating my favourite foods guilt-free. This also explains why I must be the only person to gain weight whilst ill. 

But I have something that streptococcus didn’t have. Intelligence. 

(I have no idea how that aided my immune system. I’m going to stop talking now.) 

Anyhoo. 
 

Currently teaching Hamlet. Hamlet is still an asshole, God bless him. I must admit though that this is one of my favourite quotes: 

doubt thou the stars are fire 

doubt thou the sun doth move

doubt truth to be a liar 

but never doubt i love.

Of course this is just a silly exaggerated proclamation of love made to a girl, whom he later on rejected and who decided to be a spoiled brat and jump in the local pond and drown herself. Ruin the fun for everybody else. But whatevs. It’s cute.

I shall now end this post with an awesome sauce picture gained from the www. Apaz, it’s a plastic surgery ad. HA HA.

whatshouldwecallmedschool: